Wookie came home to me today - with the pajama's she died in - and the most painful grief washed over me - a new kind of final grief. Knowing this is final, over, done. That I will absolutely never see her bow legged stagger on the lawn looking for that perfect spot to squat, that I won't see her going up the stairs one ginger foot at a time, that I won't be able to pick her up and sling her over my shoulder ever again, that I won't see her staring at me from the top of the stairs, even though she couldn't see me. That it is possible to hurt so much is previously unimaginable to me - of course I've lost other furry companions before but nothing quite like this, no relationship quite as deep and connected.
I've tried to remain in the moment, in the day these past couple of weeks and it works, the immediacy of the tears and loss ebb...Claire Chew, my Modern Pet Loss Alchemist (http://modernpetloss.com/healing-pet-loss-program/) advised me to breathe - count to 4 breathe in, count to 4 breathe out..and it WORKS :) There are 10 things she's asked me to do during this period:
meditation/mindfulness, get out and MOVE, take a class-yoga, spinning, painting, anything, download app to help sleep (I haven't been sleeping well and keep having to move to the guest bedroom), get homeopathics to help with sleep, create a gratitude list for Wookie - this one I haven't managed yet as I can't be grateful right now, do something once a week to have fun - those are a few...they seem sensible right? but there's nothing sensible about this grief process, nothing that you'd expect or can predict happens BUT it will heal - we are beautiful creations with the ability to heal and I hold onto that every day.
I promise to start posting uplifting posts about grief and healing and I'm hoping to have Claire's help with that - you have helped me on this journey as I've discovered how isolating and lonely grief can be and I want to use that to create a good program through Peternity.com to help others who are mourning - I know now firsthand (again) how individual a journey it can be, but having someone to talk to about it - and lucky me, I have Claire, is it's own special part of healing.
Wookie came home in her new physical state, but spirtually she is free, healthy and hopefully watching over me - always